I just watched a MonsterQuest episode about giant crocodiles. It made me think of an incident as a child when my sister and I tried to pet a gator in Hilton Head, SC. It seemed huge, but it was probably 4 feet or so. I was smaller back then.
Really, it just brought this recent XKCD comic home. I was just so damn sure it would be fine. There were always gators all over the place and there were very few incidents. Just hushed tales of neighbors’ poodles gone missing. Here in Illinois, we have the same tales, but they involve gigantic owls and coyotes (not that the coyotes haven’t snacked on a palm-sized pooch before).
The incident ended without bloodshed, but not because of any great brain maneuvering on my part. The gator simply didn’t want its midday sunning interrupted by a couple of snot-nosed brats. Who can blame him.
The gator grew so large that it had to be removed years later, lest someone actually did get hurt (consider the childrens!). I went on to greater feats of death-defying ninny-ness.
Stop looking at me like that. You’re telling me you’ve never been so smart you were stupid?
Related Articles
- Hippos Sucking Croc (wtf.videosift.com)
- Croc and awe after killer spotted (thesun.co.uk)
- Croc spotted at north Brisbane beach (news.theage.com.au)
- Oz man survives 13ft croc attack (thesun.co.uk)
Improbable Frontiers 
I remember the time at the age of 4 that I brought a snapping turtle up to the house to show my mom. She went hysterical and told me to drop it. I told her I couldn’t hurt my new friend, Henry. I proceeded to set him on the ground and pet his shell and my mother trotted me away into the house and slammed the door. That was nothing compared to the time I pet a wild rat or let the snake wind its way around my legs or ran with the horses we boarded in the field, starting a stampede. How the hell did I survive? I guess just so I could come here and bug Pangs decades later, huh?
How can we be sure you did survive….duh…..duh…..DUHHHHHHHHHH!
I’m not scared of crocodiles. I’m scared of pet dogs. They always like to pick me up and shake me around.
Some fears are justified, Dale.