I was sure that I had seen The Hive before, but after watching the first few minutes this morning, it didn’t seem like I had. Perhaps I caught some segment in the middle. However, I’m pretty sure if I had caught any of it, I couldn’t have stopped laughing long enough to change the channel.
The Hive is a badly acted, lowish budget monster fiasco…and then some.
In essence, the Ghostbusters lend their outfits, complete with proton packs (and optional helmets right out of the Halo gaming franchise) to a gang of ant-killing studs in Thailand (or Ban Tao, a tiny SE Asian island if these jokers are to believed). They are called Thorax (like Thor, but with an Ax! Or Thor spitting Anthrax! Or the ant’s chest!) Luckily, they also have the help of the local army. Since we know how well-organized the ants are, this is bound to be a strategic battle the likes of which we’ve never seen.
The ants group together, try to take over the area and eat all the people. At times, the great ant horde resembles a mobile CGI red carpet (as the real stars, the ants deserve it don’t they?) and at other times takes the form of the giant snake from Anaconda (or tentacles made of ants, your choice). Meanwhile, everyone’s favorite Duke boy, Tom Wopat, becomes a drunken, confused, ant-controlled asshole (think about that the next time you feel a tickle in your ear).
The super smart ants just don’t want to go down easy. Apparently because The Blob has crashed down from space and is helping them out. Despite the ants’ tenacity and their recently created ant-egg powered computer, Thorax! and the army will not negotiate with them (don’t even think this wasn’t part of the film).
But wait! There’s more! Yes, in the midst of a deadly super-ant colony vs human war, there must be romance. The ant-loving ex-galpal and the Head Thorax (oh, that’s bad even for me) ant-crusher shall reconnect during the madness. Insert tab A into slot B.
I don’t know what about that doesn’t shriek awesome.
The only thing better would be if the ants…..oh, you have to see the end for yourself. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.