Because Judas 2000 wouldn’t be a very good movie title

Dracula 2000, on the other hand, was apparently a good enough title for Harvey Weinstein to buy the script despite thinking it stunk.

Harvey was right.  Even after rewrites out the wazoo, including 3 different uncredited writers besides the credited screenplay writer.  Yup, still blew.

The film is just a pile of dung.  I had the pleasure of watching it last night.  No, I couldn’t really tear myself away.  Not for the normal reasons, mind you.  It was not So Bad It’s Good.  It was just bad.

I have sort of seen it before.  However, like many movies, I had never actually sat down from the opening credits and watched until the end.  I had caught bits and pieces and never been able to stay with it.  This time, gol’ dang it, I was going to make it through if it killed me.

There is really no reason for such an atrocity given the people attached to it.  Gerard Butler, Christopher Plummer, Johnny Lee Miller, Vitamin C (Colleen Fitzpatrick), Jennifer Esposito, Omar Epps, Sean Patrick Thomas, Danny Masterson, Jeri Ryan, Shane West, Nathan Fillion, and a guy named Duncan McLeod (and you thought there could be only one).  You would have thought at least one of these boobs could have given us something memorable.  All we get is a bizarre, long-haired Gerard Butler as Dracula.  This was most definitely NOT SPARTA!

This crap fest failed to be intentionally funny and none of it was really down right bad enough to be unintentionally funny.  It certainly wasn’t up to snuff as a serious horror film and it lacks any of the fly-by-night feel of a good B-movie.  I have very little idea what they were attempting to do other than milk some cash out of the movie-going public (to the tune of $47 million worldwide in the theater and then some more sweet cashola from video).

Apparently, some people found the story of the Dracula character pretty interesting (you see, our pal the Count is really Judas!  WHOA!).  I’m not really sure why that seemed like such a brilliant concept.  Either way, here it was only the semblance of an idea that wasn’t fleshed out in any meaningful way.  How the hell anyone tags this as a cult favorite is beyond me.  Certainly not enough to warrant follow-up films (Dracula II: Ascension and Dracula III: Legacy, both straight to video).

The opening sentence of James Berardinelli’s review says it all:

Of all the indignities to have been visited upon Dracula during the past century (including being the “inspiration” for a cereal and a Sesame Street character, and being lampooned by Mel Brooks), none is more unsettling than what has happened to the world’s most famous vampire in

The only thing it has going for it is a decent soundtrack with bands Linkin Park, System of a Down, Disturbed, Static-X, Godhead, Pantera and Slayer.  Sadly, they somehow neglected to get Vitamin C on that soundtrack.

This one’s for you, JC and Drac!  REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES!

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About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator improbablefrontiers.com
This entry was posted in Film, Literature and Entertainment and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Because Judas 2000 wouldn’t be a very good movie title

  1. Autumnforest says:

    When it comes to movies like that, buddy, I’m glad you take the hits for me. I like ones that are so bad they’re good, but that’s when they know they’re bad and they play it up, like SyFy Originals or awful Italian Horror Films. The ones that think they’re good but they’re so bad they’re good kind of aren’t all that good a bad because they don’t know what they are. Did I just give you a mind scramble?

    • I.M. Pangs says:

      Perhaps you scrambled it back into line.

      It helps if the production has a clue to what’s going down and what the audience is going to get. Sometimes they are just going through the motions. Sometimes they just fail. Sometimes even Johnny Lee Miller can’t help (he was probably still thinking about Angelina).

  2. DaleTheDoll says:

    I like Dracula movies. That dude got what humans are good for.

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