Been feeling a little peckish. So hungry.
I can’t believe I ate a double quarter pounder. Haven’t eaten meat in almost three years. I just really craved something substantial and it is so easy to hit that drive through. I wanted a nasty, greasy, meaty gut bomb.
That bomb can’t be helping me. Probably a bad choice in retrospect, but I felt ravenous and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I feel like I’m suffering the worst hangover in history. My skull is on fire. My stomach is having a Jekyll and Hide identity crisis between revolting nausea and an unabiding hunger.
Peering over grease-stained, diarrhea-colored wax paper, the television glows with the image of a perky, mentally void redhead. She beams at me; speaking through her unwavering smile. Her head moves like a bobblehead doll as she happily transfers words from her teleprompter through her limited-function noggin and out of her pink, shimmery lips. No hyperbolic public health warnings will ever break her stride. She’s got her eye on the evening news desk.
They seem to be taking it a step beyond the last world-ending horror. Bird flu or Swine Flu or whatever the hell deadly thing has us all in its grasp. Oh, how they love to cry wolf. Wolf Flu? That would scare people shitless. Wolves? And Flu? Grandma, what a loud cough you have! The better to infect you, my dear.
Apparently there are local treatment centers to distribute some kind of preventative drug. I have never gotten a flu shot. I don’t think I’m in for this either. I stopped paying for health insurance months ago. Being self-employed, something like health insurance falls short of the “necessity” category. I’m not going down to some urban tent city to be jabbed with a dirty needle and be put down on a grungy, flea-ridden cot for a few hours. Recipients are being held to ensure efficacy. That may sound pleasant coming from your Aetna plan-paid doctor. From some overworked nurse tending to the stinking masses, it sounds much more sinister.
I’ll sit this one out. That kind of experience is sure to get me something worse than this cold. I’ve had worse. I don’t want it again. I just need to go out and find something to eat…
Zombies are tasty and fun. Check out these links for all the undeadness today:
Today we play Zombie News Central: IF Edition
Click the links below for zombie stuff of all shapes, sizes and stinks (and don’t forget to pause for the musical interludes):
Sure, other undead performers may turn up the holes where their nose used to be at the idea of appearing in a “zombie” movie (some say it’s akin to the old vaudeville practice of appearing in “deadface”), but when I heard they were looking for someone to star in “I Walked With a Zombie,” I was first in line.
Zombie cross stitch!
“It’s Deadwood by way of Stephen King. It’s Undeadwood. It’s witty, it’s disturbing, and it’s a must-read.” MARK WAID
Handy identification chart.
Fanciful zombie Christmas song called “Old Men’s Brains”. Just what you needed for your next caroling adventure. No video, you just have to click over.
This chart explains how to survive on the river. “Mobility = Security”
More zombie Christmas music! We wish you a zombie Christmas, ’cause you won’t see next year!
Set in Yorkshire, England, “Harold’s Going Stiff” tells the tale of Harold Gimble, a pensioner who is slowly becoming zombified from a male only condition called Onset Rigors Disease (ORD). He is assigned a young nurse, Penny, to ease his stiffness and they quickly become good friends. But as their relationship blossoms, Harold takes a turn for the worse and soon they are on the run from a group of bloodthirsty vigilantes.
Don’t forget to hit the rest of the Zombie Walker pages.
KEEPIN’ IT UNDEAD, Y’ALL!
- Projects ” Creations ” Latex Zombie Makeup (cutoutandkeep.net)