Here There Be Zombies

Been feeling a little peckish. So hungry.

I can’t believe I ate a double quarter pounder. Haven’t eaten meat in almost three years. I just really craved something substantial and it is so easy to hit that drive through. I wanted a nasty, greasy, meaty gut bomb.

That bomb can’t be helping me. Probably a bad choice in retrospect, but I felt ravenous and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I feel like I’m suffering the worst hangover in history. My skull is on fire. My stomach is having a Jekyll and Hide identity crisis between revolting nausea and an unabiding hunger.

Peering over grease-stained, diarrhea-colored wax paper, the television glows with the image of a perky, mentally void redhead. She beams at me; speaking through her unwavering smile. Her head moves like a bobblehead doll as she happily transfers words from her teleprompter through her limited-function noggin and out of her pink, shimmery lips. No hyperbolic public health warnings will ever break her stride. She’s got her eye on the evening news desk.

They seem to be taking it a step beyond the last world-ending horror. Bird flu or Swine Flu or whatever the hell deadly thing has us all in its grasp. Oh, how they love to cry wolf. Wolf Flu? That would scare people shitless. Wolves? And Flu? Grandma, what a loud cough you have! The better to infect you, my dear.

Apparently there are local treatment centers to distribute some kind of preventative drug. I have never gotten a flu shot. I don’t think I’m in for this either. I stopped paying for health insurance months ago. Being self-employed, something like health insurance falls short of the “necessity” category. I’m not going down to some urban tent city to be jabbed with a dirty needle and be put down on a grungy, flea-ridden cot for a few hours. Recipients are being held to ensure efficacy. That may sound pleasant coming from your Aetna plan-paid doctor. From some overworked nurse tending to the stinking masses, it sounds much more sinister.

I’ll sit this one out. That kind of experience is sure to get me something worse than this cold. I’ve had worse. I don’t want it again. I just need to go out and find something to eat…

This is Zombie Walk!

Zombies are tasty and fun.  Check out these links for all the undeadness today:

Ghost Hunting Theories


The Caffeinated Zombie

Anything Horror

Above-The-Norm: Bizarre Arizona

The Digital Looking Glass

Monkey Man

Strange State

Hayes Hudson’s House of Horror

Echoes In the Abyss

Not Worth Mentioning

The Misadventures of HalloweeNut

Haunt Jaunts


Holly’s Horrorland

I Zombie

Today we play Zombie News Central: IF Edition

Click the links below for zombie stuff of all shapes, sizes and stinks (and don’t forget to pause for the musical interludes):

Portraits of celebrities as zombies. Kevin Smith, Bob Dylan and, just in time for the anniversary of Lennon’s death, The Beatles.

Your favorite movie posters…zombified!

Some early stills from the upcoming zombie movie, Exit Humanity. The American Civil War and zombies. Match made in heaven.

Zombie MMO! Preview of the game World of the Living Dead. Your task, survive! Good luck.

Check out a review of the console game Blood Drive. Looks like Death Race 2000 with zombies. Run over those undead like they stole your lunch money.

Check out a trailer for the movie Zombified. It’s got zombies….and a slasher killer! Genre blending madness.

Another zombie game, but this one dispenses with all the fancy backstory bullshit and doesn’t feel a need to reinvent anything. Just survive.

An awesome article about one actor’s career being typecast as a zombie.

Sure, other undead performers may turn up the holes where their nose used to be at the idea of appearing in a “zombie” movie (some say it’s akin to the old vaudeville practice of appearing in “deadface”), but when I heard they were looking for someone to star in “I Walked With a Zombie,” I was first in line.

Zombie cross stitch!

Stocking stuffer!

Beautifully drawn zombie picture book. You just have to take a look.

Ain't he cute?

Zombie Christmas Cards!

Zombie cartoon! Learn about zombies. With cartoon pictures!

High quality comic art. It’s wild west zombies.

It’s Deadwood by way of Stephen King. It’s Undeadwood. It’s witty, it’s disturbing, and it’s a must-read.” MARK WAID

Walk Dead T-shirt. In case you need to cover up during the apocalypse.

Handy identification chart.

Keep this in your wallet.

Fanciful zombie Christmas song called “Old Men’s Brains”. Just what you needed for your next caroling adventure.  No video, you just have to click over.

This chart explains how to survive on the river. “Mobility = Security”

More zombie Christmas music! We wish you a zombie Christmas, ’cause you won’t see next year!

A list of upcoming zombie movies for your perusal.

Check out this preview of Harold’s Going Stiff, an upcoming UK zombie horror/comedy.

Set in Yorkshire, England, “Harold’s Going Stiff” tells the tale of Harold Gimble, a pensioner who is slowly becoming zombified from a male only condition called Onset Rigors Disease (ORD).  He is assigned a young nurse, Penny, to ease his stiffness and they quickly become good friends.  But as their relationship blossoms, Harold takes a turn for the worse and soon they are on the run from a group of bloodthirsty vigilantes.

Popular Mechanics explains “The Anatomy of a Perfect (Undead) Headshot” Never waste your ammo again!

Papercraft zombie nativity set. Perfect for your zombie Christmas. I already printed mine out.

Baby Zombie Jesus is your Saviour

Dismember Me plush zombie. He’s cute and cuddly and he comes apart. Perfecto.

Don't you just want to take him home and rip him apart?

Zombie shoot-em up. Browser based zombie game. Grab your weapon of choice and get crackin. Those zombies ain’t gonna kill themselves (probably).

Don’t forget to hit the rest of the Zombie Walker pages.


About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator
This entry was posted in Chaos and Creation, Film, Literature and Entertainment, Personal Commentary, Universal Absurdity and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Here There Be Zombies

  1. iZombie says:

    Zombies Rule… thanks for the amazing collective of zombie stuff!

  2. Autumnforest says:

    You freaking rule the zombie world, buddy! You have given me enough to satisfy my zombie hunger for the entire weekend! I loved the story. Just be sure and eat at BK or McD’s, I do not want you eating your way through the population, although admittedly we would be better served if you followed the Darwinian Law and ate the really stupid ones. You may begin with the cast of Jersey Shore and then proceed to Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton. Oh, hell, just set up shop in LA and you will never go hungry.

  3. Bandhura says:

    Dude! You really did some serious research! Awesome! I’ll have to come back and visit all the links!

  4. “wolf flu” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! That’s rich! OMG! That is so a story just waiting to be told!

    Dang! You went all out for ZBWD! I don’t think I’ve seen so much Zs collected anywhere like this before. You’ve got a little something of everything even. Good work! (And looks like a lot of it to me.)

  5. Backslider.

    Props for the Zombiepalooza though. The Nativity is particularly good. I like the angel on the roof.

  6. Leo Godin says:

    Great story. The subtlety you show is rare. Great way to tell the tale of becoming a zombie from a sideways angle.

  7. al-zahra says:

    but where is the zombie caganer?

  8. As you say, Mr. Pangs, we can’t all be perfect.

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