Everybody Knows a Turkey and Some Mistletoe

Image via Wikipedia

And thank god, Everybody knows that Jack Frost is more than just Michael Keaton.

Just prior to the Jesus Sponsored Gift Extravaganza I was watching some television.  Shocking, I know.

My DirecTV onscreen guide was giving me the business.

You see, there is Jack Frost and there is Jack Frost.

Does that look like a Michael Keaton Snowman to you?

Fortunately, my keen investigator’s eye noticed that there was a Jack Frost 2 immediately following Jack Frost.  The second movie clearly didn’t jive with the first.  I was on to them!

Revenge of the mutant killer snowman...Michael Keaton?

I was livid and bound to defeat the DirecTV by watching this movie anyway.  Surely, it must be bad and so I must like it.

I forgot that I didn’t.

Luckily, I tuned in just in time to watch a snowman shoot deadly sharp icicles from his paw, pinning a teen to a door and follow that up with the rape and murder of the icicle-stabbed teen’s girlfriend.

Who is he calling frigid?!

Now, I’m not going to tell you it was tasteless and dumb or that the rape of young women by criminals mutated into men made of snow isn’t funny.  That would be silly of me.

However, I really can’t abide by the forced-gravelly voice of said snowman ending it with “looks like Christmas came a little early this year” or “hope it was good for you” or “I must remember to send flowers”

That kind of dialogue, delivered poorly, just amounts to one abominable snowman movie.

There had to be the glimmer of a  joyous holiday movie in this concept.  I didn’t find it here.  This story would have had more gravitas as a children’s holiday play.

I’ll just go back to watching the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.

Hope y’all had a decent weekend.