I watched Piranha yesterday morning.
Standard fare. There really is nothing much to say about it.
I’m sure the novelty of 3D helped somewhat for the people who endured the movie in a theater. I doubt it would have helped me.
I’ll admit that I didn’t give the movie my undivided attention. I was watching while doing some paper shuffling. However, to my point, the movie never held my attention long enough to give up shuffling and fall into the film.
Before recalling that I had paid for this trash, there transpired a disorienting moment when I was impressed with Piranha. In my reverie, I openly wondered how they got so many names to sign on for a Dina Meyer TV monster showcase. They were dropping Jerry O’Connell on us as a letch. And there’s Steven R. McQueen (Vampire Diaries), Jessica Szohr (Gossip Girl), Adam Scott (Party Down, Parks and Recreation), and…holy shit…Eli Roth hosting a wet t-shirt contest. All while Sheriff Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Richard Dreyfus and Christopher Fucking Lloyd bounce around on the periphery.
A setup like that should offer nothing short of monumental success .
Sadly, these prehistoric piranha were just boring. They looked liked prehistoric piranha. Efficient little killers, but not particularly terrifying. The nods to other films were nice, but old hat these days. There was humor, but I didn’t really laugh. There was nudity, and it was nice.
The crazy creature feature antics were all there. Well, not all of them.
The acting wasn’t awful, though some fine actors made a decent effort to mimic it. The special effects weren’t particularly absurd. The deaths were deadly looking.
What campy monster movie traits were in evidence? A thin story. Flat characters.
I still watched it. What are ya gonna do?
I want everyone behind Piranha to ponder this…
In planning for it, you eliminate the possibility of accidental genius.
Unless it happens by accident.