SQUIRREL!

Wadda you mean Empty!!!

Image by law_keven via Flickr

Those dirty rascals are always up to something.

I know for a fact that the bagels and rolls they leave on my patio table are poisoned.  If they think I’ll fall for that, they have another thing coming.

Now the Spring War is upon us.  The squirrels have had all winter to scheme and plan.  Spring is a time of action.

The first volley was lobbed on the Eastern Front this year.

BENNINGTON — An East Street man said he was minding his own business and shoveling snow away from the side of his house when he was attacked.

“All of a sudden I felt something on my back and shoulders, scratching,” said Kevin McDonald, of 15 East St.

It was a gray squirrel, said McDonald. He threw the animal off, but twice it jumped back onto his arms, delivering more scratches. Finally, it ran up a tree and McDonald retreated to his house.

“The first thing that goes through your mind is ‘is it rabid?’” he said. After doing some research into the matter on the Internet, McDonald said he learned bites are the real concern with rabies infection, and squirrel attacks are quite rare.

Which is why he was surprised the next day, when his wife reported hearing yelling from across the street. He said he looked to see his neighbor with a blanket and a metal pole battling a gray squirrel not unlike the one that attacked him the day before. Later, he would learn that a woman on the same street had also been attacked.

The dog and I are ready.  I spent the past weekend in Las Vegas getting schooled in cutting edge varmint warfare techniques.  Meanwhile, Scout engaged in weekend training exercises in the hinterlands known as The Suburbs.

My sister informed me that weekend scoring concluded at Scout 2 – Rabbits 0.  She was nice enough to send pictures.

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About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator improbablefrontiers.com
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11 Responses to SQUIRREL!

  1. autumnforest says:

    So, what happened in Vegas, did it stay there? And, I hope it didn’t involve squirrels. Apparently, they are vicious after a breakup.

  2. Necromanticore says:

    You have the most dangerous critters. Between the squirrel army and the spiders I’m not certain what’s worse.

  3. calan says:

    the squirrels did a number on the interior of my mother’s car. of course, when we discovered the claw shredded roof and visors we couldn’t find a squirrel inside. there was one outside though… watching us. They basically are like the mob. As long as we provide peanuts, no one gets hurt. I’m grateful they used the car to send this not-so-gentle reminder rather than her face.

  4. calan says:

    hmph that’s no fun. no peanuts for you.

  5. Give him the damn peanuts already. It’s just…easier that way.

  6. calan says:

    nor the most fun

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