Big Feets Don’t Fail Me Now!

Bigfoot ill artlibre jnl

Image via Wikipedia

I finally watched some of the new show Finding Bigfoot.

The show falls in line with my feelings about most mediocre reality TV.  Kind of like clawing at that giant new skeeter bite.  You know you shouldn’t, but you just have to scratch sometimes and that pain is oh so good.

I can see some potential hilarity in the show, for sure.  People playing a game of Marco Polo: Forest Expansion in the woods at night.  There is a guy named Bobo that looks like his name should be Bobo.  Or Bubba.  Or Hoss.  You have good old boys mixin’ with a smart, skeptical chick.  Strike match.  Light fuse.  Run.

Seems like a semi-standard TV setup.  Reality TV, that is.  Assemble a group of people who should clash, create scenarios to fuel that interaction, film.

The team sort of looks at video footage and kind of interviews witnesses.  The thing is, they have already determined that it is bigfoot (whatever “it” is – video, witness report, broken branch, etc).  The results will always look this way to these guys.  They presume unproven facts.  They tromp around the woods.  They caravan down dirt paths.  They do a little squatch yodeling and noisy making.

They rush to conclusions (this deer leg was clearly snapped by a BF, there’s no other explanation *eyeroll*).  The skeptic warns against this or that in a reasonable way.  The hunters ignore her.  You see, they know BF.  They are like BFFs with BF.  As such, the evidence is clear as day to them.  It doesn’t matter what their own recreation results may indicate.  They know.  That’s a squatch, dammit.  They are on the hunt.

I don’t need the skeptic to corral these guys (would be nice, sure, but the show wouldn’t generate enough interest as a straight show), but I hope she continues to think critically and hard.  She must or the network will find someone who will.  They are banking on those polar personalities to create drama.

I hunt for animals to photograph down by the river (DER!) all the time.  I am way more ninja than these people finding bigfoot.  Some animals strut around openly.  Squirrels, geese, raccoon, deer, etc).  There are other animals that prefer not to be in the limelight.  It is very hard to catch glimpses of those rascals.  Perhaps ‘Foot is the former.  I hope so, for these guys’ sakes.  Or perhaps BF is like a pheasant and the stomping through the woods is meant to flush a frightened, panicked squatch into the open.  That must be the plan.

And so we come to witnesses.  So far, so good.  The standout part of the first few episodes for me.  Storytelling, man.  That’s were I need to be won over.

Alleged first-hand accounts of future legendary tales.  What else is there?  Footprints and inconclusive/unreliable/bogus video (regular and thermal), still pictures and audio recordings.

So, what do we have in this show?  I don’t know.  It could be funny.  Given the amount of hostility floating around the “BF expert” community, there are tons of guest “experts” that could add zing to each episode.

On the other hand, we know they aren’t likely, with this setup, to come up with any truly amazing evidence.  Only one of them is actually willing to analyze critically and without a predetermined conclusion.

They’ve already had a little sqautchin’ squabble about proper field methodologies (rightly so, in my opinion).  So expect as much TV magic and misdirection as you would normally expect from any group of snake oil salesmen.  I’ve already heard all the normal protestations from the participants regarding editing and the impact of post-production.

There are people who seek knowledge.  There are people who seek acknowledgement.

Sometimes they are the same.  I’m not sure that is the case with Finding BF.  The leader of the hunt here seems to assume he knows what he needs to know.  I do not see these people studying the “animal” and its behavior.  It’s called Finding Bigfoot, not Studying the Bigfoot Conundrum.

I guess the only thing to do is bust out the marshmallows and watch it burn.  Hopefully I’m wrong and they sort themselves over the course of a season.

Other notes:

  • FACTS:  Witnesses claim to see large creatures of various descriptions in various locations across North America.  Footprints have been found of very large feet, which seem to be exactly what they appear to be…footprints of very large feet.  ASSUMPTIONS:  BF likes Snickers better than Funyuns.  BF uses stick knocking to communicate.  SUSPECTED BEHAVIOR IS JUST THAT.  IT IS NOT FACT.
  • Making a fuss in the woods is a sure way to quiet down the rest of the forest.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that bigfoot is in the area.
  • The sounds of the forest are amazing.  Are these guys doing enough to understand the local investigation sites prior to a full blown field investigation?  Contacting local flora and fauna experts?  Scientist preferably, as opposed to guys that hike the woods a bunch and think they are the next Davy Crockett.
  • Pangs Facts:  I’ve whooped while camping.  Had return whoops.  Neither myself nor the return whoopers were Bigfoot.  I’ve also spent a ton of time in the Chattahoochee River and never seen any squatches toobing lazily downstream.
  • The huffing and puffing rooster act before doing BF calls?  This is the kind of thing magicians do to keep your eyes off their other hand, which just stuffed a white dove in your bloomers.  [I’m not sayin’, just sayin’]
  • “I have a hard time explaining that” does not equal “This must be a sasquatch.”  It’s annoying that anyone would suggest that leap.  Such a leap exemplifies how narrow-minded (and arrogant) that person is.
  • Be careful with your logic trails.  Take for example: (1)Statistically, Bigfoot witnesses most often report sightings which occur when they are getting their mail (2)BF must be a fan of mail trucks (3)Best place to find BF must be waiting by a mailbox.  Realize that since people get mail every day, this is possibly when PEOPLE are most likely to accidentally see BF.  This does not mean that it is the place BF is most likely to be. [I made up the thing about mailboxes, BF hates junk mail and runs when he sees mailpeople]
  • Witnesses are great, but even when they seem legit (or even are legit), that doesn’t mean their statements should be assumed as proven facts.  Particularly in regards to estimating speeds, heights and weights.  Besides, how many times are these jamokes confusing a werewolf with a Bigfoot?  They both seem to love dashing across roads in front of cars.
Werewolf misidentification

About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator
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2 Responses to Big Feets Don’t Fail Me Now!

  1. Autumnforest says:

    I’m surprised you weren’t all over this from the beginning, Pangs. You and I, we’re BF freaky fans. You’re right about them mixing up the cast. I wonder if it would be anywhere as fun if BoBo were the analytical and skeptical one and Ranae was the redneck Bigfoot stand-in? Hmm… Oh, and I like how BF broke the deer’s leg so it couldn’t runaway and BF ate the whole creature, leaving the bones perfectly in place… Delicate eater. Must use a knife and fork, huh?

    • I.M. Pangs says:

      The Sunday night thing messed me up. I finally set it on the Tivo and was able to watch. My TV’ing has been sort of like that for the past month or two. Missing everything and having to try to catch up with Tivo and late-night repeats.

      Yeah, I would expect BF to be more of a saver. Carting off a carcass with him after a kill and saving some of it for later (plus saving the bones for trinkets or tools or money or whatever BF might want bones for). I would also consider that a secretive creature like that might bury a carcass (loosely, at least) to cover its tracks.

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