The Real Monster


Image by Jason Persse via Flickr

I have all kinds of notes jotted about the Finding Bigfoot episodes I watched.  It’s exhausting trying to chronicle all the absurdities that arise during an episode.  Thank god for DVRs.

It is hardly worth discussion.  Same, same.  Suspect methods, logic leaps, Bravado and nothing to write home about.  Nevertheless.

The show should be marked “For Entertainment Purposes Only”.  Like newspaper horoscopes or a 15-year-old condom from one of those hinky bathroom coin machines.

Moneymaker reminds me of all the sports analysts on radio and TV.  It’s a tough audience to crack and they all seem less interested in actually getting anything correct than they are in saying the most outlandish things possible.

They don’t care if you read their columns/watch them on ESPN because you hate them or love them.  As long as you pay attention.

Now, I’ve been harsh on Ghost Hunters and its spawn for being boring, but at least they are able to say “I don’t know.”  That’s a skill lots of folks don’t possess.

This Moneymaker cat is a bundle of wannabe.  Wanna be leader.  Wanna be researcher.  Wanna be TV star.  His tone is aggressive and annoying.  I was willing to hope that his online persona was merely the failure to communicate functionally via the printed word.

The more I’ve seen of him, the more I realize that he is exactly the angry know-it-all that we’ve all come to ignore on the Internet.

The words “can be nothing other than Bigfoot” should never be uttered unless you are sitting and having tea with ‘Foot and he shows you his passport as confirmation.

How does anyone take this guy seriously?

Well, he’s the leader, that’s why.  Just ask him.  He’s been at this longer than any of us.

Which, of course, simply means he has a longer record of failure.

It’s like that old story of the kid and the old man at the ol’ fishing hole.  After a few hours without success, the kid says “This isn’t working.  We should try some different bait or maybe move across the way near that stump.”  Old man replies, “This here is what we do.  I’ve been doing this since my pappy brought me here as a young ‘un.  Shut your trap and watch a master at work, boy.”  Kid asks, “What was the biggest fish you ever caught?”  Old man says, “Oh, I ain’t caught nothin’ yet, but this here’s a plum spot and I know I’ll get a lunker soon enough.”

OK, I just made that up.  Nevertheless.







Stop looking at me like that.  I am so a scholar!  AM SO!

About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator
This entry was posted in Crypto, Film, Literature and Entertainment and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Real Monster

  1. Necromanticore says:

    I don’t know.

  2. Being a scholar is fine and all but it doesn’t give you the right to hang onto the Codex Calixtinus waaaaay past it’s due back date. I think a pilgrimage of penitence is in order. A little self flagellation wouldn’t go amiss either.

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