Back from the Woods: Squatchy as Hell

Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

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Just because I was silent, doesn’t mean I wasn’t paying attention.

I have been out about the riverlands and the woods, but that wasn’t keeping me from writing.

No, I have been truly and utterly flabbergasted by the various shows.  You know these shows.  The Ghost Hunterers and the Finding Bigfeet.  Few others on the periphery.  But really these two are the biggest culprits.

They are so horrid at hiding that they are just entertaining us and nothing else.  I keep vacillating between thinking that the producers and editors are trolling everyone.  Or that perhaps the show is a game.  We are supposed to play along.  Find the obvious bullshit.  Like Jason “brushing” into a picture frame on a wall.  Otherwise it takes the Scooby Doo fun out of it.  Velma and Daphne were never fooled by Shaggy knocking into the wall “accidentally”.

The Bigfoot Finders is clearly trying to follow the Scooby model.  At least in the sense that the only member of the gang with half a brain is the woman.

I tried to play the game and have furiously notated obvious insanity in each episode.  The amount of notes is staggering.  I had a hard time envisioning how best to present it.

And then I watched this last Finding Bigfoot episode.  They have gone off to Ohio.  Home of Moneymaker (henceforth referred to as “Bigfool”) for a whopping four-year span during which he was in Akron, about 80 miles north of the Salt Fork State Park.

Now, I’m not going to break the whole episode down*.  All of the episodes of both GH and FB  follow a pretty standard pattern.

What I am going to say is that this episode showed just how similar they are in other aspects as well.  The manner in which investigations occur is at best tolerable and at worst outright laughable.

The bias is oozing out of their pores.  The techniques are muddied and, from the little the audience can see, provide very little in the way of quality collected data.  A sound in the dark is a medium-sized rock thrown into a field.  How do we know?  We just do.

I still love the witness accounts, but which of you can keep from guffawing at this troop of clowns pounding through the forest banging on shit and shouting into the night?  They are, after all, trailing that most elusive and shy creature, the ‘squatch.  What better method?

I did catch Cliff’s dig.  Touche.  Field work is not to be given short shrift.

And so we come back to my tramping in the woods.  The winter weather has been crazy warm.  Me and dog have been tramping out in the forest preserves of Northern Illinois.  We have almost all of the same experiences at 5 am in the dark near the riverbank as all these people.  Knocking, bonking and thudding sounds.  Giant splashes.  Deer.  Raccoons.  Birds, big and small.  Strange piles of large trees.  Tiny piles of branches and stones and shrubs.  Hobos.  Booze bottles.

I digress.  The point is.  There are other explanations.

Yes, Labagh Woods looks awful squatchy.  It has everything a squatch needs.  But I think the trolls are keeping them out.

About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator
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