The Jaws of Life

Great white shark at Isla Guadalupe, Mexico, A...

Great white shark at Isla Guadalupe, Mexico, August 2006. Shot with Nikon D70s in Ikelite housing, in natural light. Animal estimated at 11-12 feet (3.3 to 3.6 m) in length, age unknown. Français : Photographie d'un Grand requin blanc (Carcharodon carcharias) de 3,5 mètres environ, prise à l'île Gadalupe en août 2006. Matériel : Nikon D70s dans un caisson étanche Ikelite. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There have been a ton of movie about sharks.  A shiver of them recently.

I have always had a thing for sharks.  I’ve spent a lot of time in the ocean.  You can be damn sure that I’m going to watch these films.

So let’s get down with Dark Tide.

The film snuck up on me.  I didn’t know much about it.  Frankly, I wasn’t even aware it had come out yet.

Halle Berry instantly gave me a bad feel.  I don’t dislike her, she just has an aura.  That aura does not include shark wrangler.  It just doesn’t.  Or shark whisperer even.  The whisperer part, sure.

Nevertheless, twenty-one minutes in and she grew on me.  She’s like that.  Why couldn’t they get her into Moneyball?  I might have enjoyed it more.  I know she was gone from Justice-land by then, but maybe she could have had a scene discussing the restraining order.  Who am I kidding, nothing can make Justice interesting.

Remember kids, “Justice that love gives is a surrender; Justice that law gives is a punishment.”


The first preview I saw made it look like one of those movies.  A single shark bent on getting some diver.  Watching the movie play out, it dawned on me that this was not that kind of show at all.  There was much rejoicing.


This movie is about risk.  And decision-making.  And animal nature…our own.

This is not a monster movie and blurby lines like this do it a disservice, “The nightmare from the deep is still lurking – more carnivorous and hungry than ever.”

The sharks are lurking.  Why?  Because that’s where they live and hunt.  Not so much lurking as hanging out waiting for lunch and pulling off a few aerial acrobatics to impress the vixenish shark harlots.  Sharklots?  Shar-lots?

Make no mistake.  There is no happy happy at the end.  This is a horrific tale.

These are not the Jaws of movies (‘sup, Bruce?)

These are the real deal.  They don’t have an agenda.  Other than sating some deep, dark hunger.  And not a Twinkie in sight.  Just approximately 40,005 tasty seals.

At least they think those last five were seals.  They sure were slow.  They tasted fine…after you chomped through that tough outer skin.


About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator
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