I just watched Prometheus. I haven’t managed more than a couple of hours sleep without interruption for a while due to animal health issues in the household. As a result, I may be a tad irritable.
That being said…this movie was a huge piece of shit.
I do believe they meant to name it Epimetheus, after Pro’s moronic twin brother. A real bro’s bro.
The movie is hardly worth reviewing. It looked sort of slick. At times. There were the usual space suits and planet terrain and gadgetry and new fangled flame throwers. However, the ET, or man-maker alien as I like to call it, looked goofy and ridiculous. Like looking at a low-rent digital model of a marble statue.
This is the kind of movie that poses questions like:
- Why did they bother making a giant front window viewing area on a deep space craft piloted by an android and full of frozen passengers?
- Why are these people always so careless on their journey to the Potential Planet of Our Origin (P-POO)? Hey, we just got here after two years in frozen sleep and a trillion-dollar travel bill…why don’t we get drunk and screw!
- When is it NOT a good idea to try to pet the first 2 foot long albino alien penis worm you find on a new planet?
The story was, to put it bluntly, awful. It went nowhere and used every clichéd bit of sci-fi storyline you have ever seen to get there.
You know how it goes. Hidden agenda! Inhuman bun in the oven! Soulless android fuckface with nicely coiffed, blonde hair! Implausible survival amidst crashing space ships!
I could go on, but it was painful enough going through it the first fookin time.
The acting was acceptable, I guess. I didn’t notice it, so that is a plus, I suppose. I do enjoy Kate Dickie, but she didn’t have much to do. She certainly wasn’t spending any quality naked time painting runes in blood on the wall as she did in Outcast.
I guess there were some things to think about. Along the lines of Jack Handey‘s Deep Thoughts. Even if you have a thing for the Alien franchise, I don’t think it would be much fun. It was just another hunk of space junk floating about. There is so much darkness out there, you are bound to take a look, but in the end, it’s just junk and it isn’t particularly interesting.
Eventually it ended. Thank someone for that.
- REVIEW: Prometheus (Blu-ray) (kdvr.com)
- The Deleted Scenes Of Prometheus Actually Explain A Whole Bunch Of Important Stuff (gizmodo.com.au)
- New Details Leak (D’Oh!) On That Black Goo In Prometheus (movieline.com)
- Prometheus is About Movie Fans | Film School Rejects (cinediscourse.tumblr.com)