Some Assembly Required

A story out of Southern Sweden has a woman finding the bones of 80 skeletons stored in Ikea bags in a church.

The guy that dug up the bones (but who denies putting them in the bags) notes that it’s not as bad as it looks.

This sounds like a mildly morbid sitcom.  I can imagine Swedish metal band Grave doing a jaunty little intro tune featuring the sitcom cast tooling around in Ikea shopping carts laughing and waving their arms about.  Reminiscent of The Monkees show intro.

Turns out archaeologist Ludvig Papmehl-Dufay was right.  It isn’t as bad as it looks.  At least, nothing truly nefarious went down.  Just your garden variety red tape snags coupled with some as-yet-undefined amounts of laziness and incompetence.

As part of some renovation, as many as 80 skeletons that had been buried under the church (some very old) were disinterred.  The resulting hassles of documentation and reburial were ditched in favor of the blue Ikea bag methodology, which turns out to not be an accepted reburial technique.

To really nail the absurdity of this story, my browser chose this story as an optimal time to sell me a happy meal.

I’m lovin’ it!

 

I took a crack at the sitcom theme song for Ola Lindgren.  (Any resemblance to The Monkees tv show theme song is whatever whatever)

Here we come, walkin’
Down the street.
We get the funniest looks
from all the other Swedes.
Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
And people pray we bury in-ground.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.

Laid low wherever we want to,
blue bags or under the pew
We don’t have time to get restless,
There’s always something askew.
Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
And people pray we bury in-ground.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.

We’re just tryin’ to be friendly,
Come and watch us sling decay,
We’re unsung desecration,
And we’ve got nowhere to lay.

Any time, Or anywhere,
Just look over your shoulder
Guess who’ll be standing there

Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
And people pray we bury in-ground.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.

Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
And people pray we bury in-ground.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.

We’re just tryin’ to be friendly,
Come and watch us sling decay,
We’re unsung desecration,
And we’ve got nowhere to lay.

Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies

Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies,
You never know where we’ll be found.
Best make peace with your dead, see
We never really keep them down.

 

 

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About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator improbablefrontiers.com
This entry was posted in Universal Absurdity and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Some Assembly Required

  1. Did they find any yellow cake?

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