That’s no space station…It’s a tiny moon

Today brings us the smallest full moon of the year.  The full moon crested at 9:10am Eastern Time, but it’s still out there being full right now.

The Flower Moon – or Strawberry Moon or Rose Moon.  If you’re in the Southern Hemisphere, the Oak Moon, Cold Moon or Long Night’s Moon.  That’s a lot of names for one moon.  Never trust a moon with many aliases.  Though I can respect a reminder about strawberry picking season, as coined by some Algonquin tribes.  Strawberries are my jam!  (Not really, I go for peach or cherry in my PBJ, but that’s not the point)

Either way, you can rest easy thinking all the wackadoos will be slightly less crazy for this full moon.  The were-creatures will be a little less bloodthirsty.  That irritating space Nazi moon base will be just a smidgen farther away today.  I’m pretty certain that’s how this works.

I got a lot of my moon knowledge from “Track of the Moon Beast,” which I’ve been told is quite reliable.  It has a meteor shower, a lizard man and Native American legends.  We really loved those creepy Native legends back in the 70s.  Thank god Johnny Longbow is there to save the day…with his bow and arrow.  No, I didn’t make that up, but some dumbass movie feller did.

This movie is in the running for worst asteroid on film ever and it happens within the first thirty seconds (before the opening credits!), immediately followed by Natives chanting with a rattle and drum.  The asteroid is on a collision course with the moon, but the news is pretty cavalier about it.  Perhaps they expected the Cold Moon to snuff out that lazily flaming fireball on a string.

It didn’t, and the resulting meteor shower rained down on Earth.  One meteorite shard even hit poor Paul. He didn’t even notice.  That’s definitely not groovy, but I’m positive he was just distracted by Leigh Drake’s legs.  You’ll see no shorter short shorts on any of the yutes today.

The stereotypical early TV “indian” music we get when Johnny Longbow is practicing with his bow is cringe-worthy, but Frank Larrabee singing “California Lady” might have been the best part of the film.  That is, if Paul hadn’t blown up at the end.

I love it when a man-lizard is consumed by mystickal fire after getting shot with a meteorite-arrowhead-tipped-arrow by a Native American university professor of anthropology under the dark of a full moon.  Damn, that’s a mouthful.

That and daytime moon shots.  I love moon shots.  And ice cream.  I really love ice cream.

And horrifically bad dialogue.

Police Captain “Mac” McCabe: “But he did manage to say something about a lizard…a big lizard…a big lizard that walked like a man.”

Johnny Longbow: “Seems to me I’ve heard that expression before.”

Police Captain “Mac” McCabe: *sensible chuckle*…”Maybe.”

Now all I need is some freakin’ ice cream.

 

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About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator improbablefrontiers.com
This entry was posted in Film, Film, Literature and Entertainment, Science and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to That’s no space station…It’s a tiny moon

  1. Mooning is going to be big this year.

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