Solstice, not just a bad movie

It’s also one long ass day.

The summer solstice.  Good times.  11:24 pm CDT.

I was looking for a good solstice related movie.  There’s a few to choose from.  I read an article in which the author questioned why anyone would make a movie featuring the summer solstice, called all the movies listed in the article boring, then mentioned not having watched any of them.

This is why we let our soul-stice fly, people.  Don’t let the wankers bring you down.

I ended up watching Solstice.  I didn’t give the choice much thought.  I liked the look of the cast (good-looking folks, plus R. Lee Ermey) and it’s called Solstice, so it was one of the first search results.

It was either watch a movie or erect a bunch of huge stones in the back yard.  It’s hovered around 70ºF with a light breeze all day.  Pretty good weather for erecting huge slabs of stone.

Nevertheless, I’m betting Chicago requires a raft of permits for large stone erection and I didn’t want to get into it with them right now.  I’m trying to get my property taxes reduced.  Besides, I didn’t have enough beer to get through a project of that immensity.

Just some grilled corn and sweet potato, a few of those beers, and this freaking movie.

There was a Swedish version first, Midsommer.  I probably should have watched that one instead.  It didn’t have twins.

They movie teens are calling it St. John’s Eve because this movie transpires in N’awlins.  Also because the sister died six months prior.  There’s a John and Jesus thing going on there.  They were a thing way back when.  This will not come up again.  I can hear your sigh of relief from here.

Fortean Times makes an appearance.  That’s not your everyday movie prop.  There’s an article about the dead speaking.  This was not necessary in any way.  It could have been cut out.  It wasn’t.  That’s summer solstice for you.  Everyone thinks we’ve got plenty of time for useless shenanigans.

The dead twin has auburn hair (vs the main character’s blonde).  This is a blessing.  I don’t have to remember their names.

Right from the start, the movie is your standard ghost story.  Teens, lake house, swimming, sad girl, creepy local, hot local hick teen working at the classic two-pump old-timey gas station, funky mirror action, car trouble, goop coming out of the faucet, shadow under the door, moved objects, drinking games, vision complete with physical injury manifestation, nightmare, the significant object has been identified (it’s a keychain!) – and I’m barely 20 minutes into this Cajun ghost story thrill ride.

Just kidding, there aren’t any actual thrills.

I shouldn’t complain.  The sooner they got down to it, the better.  I only had the longest day of the year to watch this 91-minute-long movie.  A 90-minute movie earlier this week took me two days to finish.  Nothing is a given.  Time and space are warped, just like my mind.

Anyway, the movie…it moves quickly toward resolution, thank goodness.

 

There’s a missing girl poster at the gas station.  It could have been subtle, but it wasn’t.  More subtle than usual for these movies – nobody specifically asked about it, but the multiple shots framing the poster prominently in the background was a hard clue to miss.

A circle of young’uns in the water with a non-officiant chanting some voodoo mumbo to Papa Legba and pouring out a little red wine?  What could go wrong.

Don’t break the circle, kids.  How many times have you heard that, am I right?  Right up there with “mom always said, don’t play ball in the house” and “stop drowning the other children!”

They’re not even naked.  What kind of horror movie is this?

It’s not half as bad as it should have been and not half as good as I wanted it to be.  The story was ramshackle; however, the actors did a bang up job, or at least as well as could be expected given the circumstances.  The end wasn’t horrible, which was a shame because you kind of want horrible in a horror movie.

It certainly didn’t “hark back to elemental horror films like Rosemary’s Baby and The Shining” as writer/director Daniel Myrick hoped.  That’s the kind of thing you should keep to yourself.

I’ve seen worse.  Earlier this week as a matter of fact.  We’ll talk about that next time.

I finished watching just as the sun set.  That’s perfect.  The dark is my time.

Besides, it’s time to feed the lizard.  That’s not a euphemism.

Since I didn’t watch the Swedish film that inspired this one, I can at least leave you with some Swedish metal.  Let’s get out there and do some fire magick.

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About I.M. Pangs

digital verbal smog creator improbablefrontiers.com
This entry was posted in Film, Literature and Entertainment and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Solstice, not just a bad movie

  1. As I approached the end of your fine summation I was tempted to chant FAR GO, FAR GO, FAR GO. I felt that might be taken as impolite or perhaps premature.

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