Asteroid 3122 Florence (aka Asteroid 1981ET3) whooshed past Earth. 3122 Flo is yuge – 2.7 miles in diameter.
We got lucky. This time. However, that doesn’t stop us from obsessing about large space objects colliding with Earth and causing havoc, with a capital H.
3122 Flo is named after Florence Nightingale. Probably because they both did pioneering work in statistical graphics. Coxcombs aren’t just for dirty fantasies anymore, amiright? Maybe I’m not. Who could possibly know? Facts are for losers.
There are so many movies about asteroid and meteor devastation. There was a real heyday in the late 1990s with Armageddon, Deep Impact, and Ice.
Other notables: The Blob, Meteor (1979), Meteorites, The Day the Sky Exploded, The Monolith Monsters, 400 Days, Asteroid, The Day of the Triffids, These Final Hours, Post Impact, Anna’s Storm, Disaster L.A., Tycus, Threshold.
Some of them are good. Most of them are not. Shit falling from the sky is worrisome, even if it’s not originating in North Korea. This makes the subject a prime force in disaster flicks.
Some films try to take a different approach, to varying degrees of success. Night of the Wild – where the animals go bonkers, as they do. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World – a funky little film with comic personality; mostly about people, who just happen to be waiting for an asteroid to hit and end us all. Lifeforce (pour one out for Tobe Hooper) – a movie about space vampires arriving in the bosom of Halley’s Comet who want to steal your life force. Maximum Overdrive – where the machines go wild to an AC/DC soundtrack, as they do. Night of the Comet – where the dead go wild, as they do. Tank Girl – a love story about a weird chick and her kangaroo-man boyfriend surviving with apocalyptic style and punk attitude in a post-impact world. The Meteor Man – just another superhero origin story about your average mild-mannered family man becoming super-duper after getting bonked by a green ball of space junk. Without Warning – a shitty mockumentary TV-movie broadcast on Halloween in 1994 that I shouldn’t even have bothered mentioning.
Now, back to the capital H. The movie, that is. Maybe it’s about a meteor strike and maybe it’s not. Something happened. Something exploded. We can be sure of that. That’s about all we can be sure of.
The two main characters are both named Helen. They live in Troy. The one in New York. The elder Helen takes care of a realistic baby doll and uploads videos of her daily care of said doll. The younger Helen is pregnant. Both Helens have less than great male partners. A horse shows up repeatedly, roaming the streets. The laws of physics fail. A giant stone statue head floats down the river.
The elder Helen takes care of a realistic baby doll and uploads videos of her daily care of said doll. The younger Helen is pregnant. Both Helens have less than great male partners. A horse shows up repeatedly, roaming the streets. The laws of physics fail. A giant stone statue head floats down a river.
You know, just your typical post-something-fucked-happened shenanigans.
There’s obvious images and themes to work with, if you’re intent on finding deep meaning. I suggest you not bother. You won’t be satisfied.
The strength of the movie is in the cinematography and the performance of the two actresses, not in its message.
You can just revel in beautiful imagery and weirdness. Just let it wash over you and forget you have any prior knowledge about Troy and Helens and horses and the state of humanity. Let the creepy sounds and music of the movie tickle your brain.
Let the creepy sounds and music of the movie tickle your brain.
The film, after all, starts with a quote from Homer’s “The Iliad” – “Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed.”
That’s all you need to know. The anatomically correct creepy fake baby is beautiful. The horse-man in the woods that looks like he’s ready to win first prize at a furry sex horror convention is beautiful (think the internet-infamous unicorn man, but a dark NightMare version). The comatose people laying in the snow, all in the same pose, are beautiful. The floating cement statue head is beautiful. A dream of baby-sized eggs with fetuses in them laying in the wintry forest? You got it. Beautiful.
The guy laughing maniacally at the end? That’s all of us. Just go with it.
Maybe the point was that we’ll all be praying for an impact event by the end of the film. Or maybe the point was to make us think about stuff. Like what’s for dinner and do you have any percocets?