Grýla Killa

What’s red and dances all around?❄

The answer is not Grýla, but she would surely take an interest.

Krampus came and went, but that doesn’t mean we are safe from Christmas related devilry.

Grýla is another one of those awesome bits of Yule time folklore.  She comes to us from Iceland, where children in the long long ago were told of this mythical giantess (I wouldn’t call her an ogre to her face) who lived in the mountains.

180 px

180 px (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The cave-dwelling Grýla didn’t realize how her special skills fit with Christmas until the 17th century.  By that time, she had birthed a bunch of brats called the Yule Lads.  The Yule Lads are a group of Icelandic Santas.  There are thirteen official Yule Lads.  I gather you get to be official when you’ve been so annoying at one thing you get a reputation for it.  Individual Yule Lads are each known for their preferred perversion – harassing sheep, snatching sausages, an affinity for that special yogurt stuff called skyr, slamming doors – real sick stuff.

What else would we expect from the sons of Grýla.  Her main talent is the ability to detect misbehaving children, which turns out to be her favorite snack.  She never passes up a good naughty kid stew.

With that kind of diet, it’s no wonder she’s been married three times.  Or perhaps it’s her 15 tails.  Or three heads.  She is, by all accounts, a hideous beast of a mother.

She is said to have eaten her first husband, had a few spawn with her second (reports of his demise are unconfirmed) and now lives in a cave with her third, Leppalúði, with whom she had 20 offspring and a Yule Cat.  I suspect those 7 other kids may have gotten eaten.  The Ombudsman for Children’s Rights in Iceland may want to check into that.

If you don’t wear that new Christmas sweater, the Yule Cat will most likely eat you.  Don’t risk it.  The Yule Cat is deadly serious about new outfits.

So, put on your new outfit, go take a photo with the gruesome couple and start marinating your children.  You and I both know they are hellions and Grýla is coming for them.

❄ A baby on a bbq!

Posted in Chaos and Creation, Paranormality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

It’s cold as hell

I met up with a friend for a few cocktails Wednesday night.

My cab driver was a real nice fellow.  What else would you expect from the Dark Lord?

Car 666 at your service, Sir!

I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I was hung over on Thursday and my heater stopped working.

Me being me, I didn’t even notice the heat had stopped working.  It seemed a bit cold, but it was 14 degrees Fahrenheit outside, so that was to be expected.  I usually keep the house around 66 degrees because whateva, I do wot I want!

It’s 45 degrees in my house right now and I had to dig out long underwear and a sweatshirt.  I’m actually wearing socks for once.

Shiverfit – the newest exercise craze!  Arctic blast the fat away!  Brought to you by Ol’ Man Winter and your friendly neighborhood Frigid Wind.

The HVAC repair dude can’t get here soon enough.

How many mugs of hot tea does it take to keep me from becoming a snow man?

I’ll let you know.

Contemplating the mysteries of the frozen galaxy in a cup of tea.

Posted in Personal Commentary, Universal Absurdity | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy freakin’ Halloween

It’s that great time of year.  Every entertainment outlet, neighborhood joint and Internet hangout is giving in to the spooks.  And I don’t mean the NSA – that would be truly frightening. (Just kidding NSA, we love you!  In a platonic sort of way.  Like how we love the IRS, but with less consent)

The 2009 Halloween II is playing on Syfy opposite the 1981 version on AMC.  I’m going with 2009 because it starts first and I like to make you people squirm in revulsion.  How could I do such I thing?  I have no soul, that’s how.

Later, I’m going to watch the Chicago Bulls and the ghost of Derrick Rose.  That’s Halloween spirit.

Here in Chicago, it was snowing this morning.  The wind is blowing fiercely and the howling sound is a fitting background song for the day.  The trees are knocking insistently at the windows.  Is there any being out there that isn’t expecting free candy from my house?

The dog, the pumpkin crew and I are lurking in wait for the  upcoming assault on our fortress by all manner of tiny creatures.  They will surely be slowed down by trying to stuff a winter jacket under a Princess Darth Vader outfit.  Nevertheless, they will come.  We are ready.



Posted in Personal Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Did you hear that? Summer vacation version.

Did you not see the moon?  I heard there was some sort of eclipse or blood moon or blood moon eclipse.  I didn’t see it.  The sky was full of clouds.  Rain seems to be the go to thing for Chicago these days.  It even followed me to Florida, though it at least had the decency to do it late afternoon and night.

Speaking of things I didn’t see, I didn’t see a bunch while roadtripping the eastern U.S. The first evening started off fairly well.  I managed to get a tent up before dark and went on a half-mile hike.

A six-mile long half-mile hike.  I zigged when I should have zagged.  I didn’t bring water or a flashlight.  It was dark by the time dog and I got back to the tent.  I was sweating profusely and parched.  On the plus side, the exercise was good and I hoped it would bring sleep early.

It didn’t happen that way.

There I was, laying in a tent in southern Ohio.  Awake. Lying there not sleeping on rock hard ground, thinking about how it isn’t really that cold as long as no part of my body escapes the confines of my sleeping bag sarcophagus and that I’ll probably fall asleep at some point.  Probably.

In fact, I did.  If only briefly.  I was wakened by noises around half past midnight.  Strange snuffling noises.  Noises I am not used to.  Nevertheless, I could identify the sound as feral pigs rooting.  A bunch of them.  I listened for a while.  Naturally, I had left all the camera equipment in the car, so I didn’t bother getting up to peek.  I just listened until the sounds dissipated and I tried to let sleep take me once more.

Before that could happen, I heard a horrendous cry in the night.  I was disoriented, in that not-awake and not yet asleep head space.  The immediate impression I had was that of a drunk monkey, taken by surprise in the worst kind of way (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).  It was indignant and clearly unhappy.

The noise echoed silently.  The sound repeating only in my head as I worried over the poor, drunken monkey assaulted in the woods by a group of Ohio Grassmen with banjo accompaniment.

Upon reflection, I would have to guess it was the  hoarse scream of a Black-Crowned Night Heron.  A sound I am intimately familiar with from my picture taking along the Chicago River for the tumblr blog.  Nevertheless, out of context, it is enough to make you question your sanity.

Birds can make quite a few heavy metal screeches.  Winged demons bring the forest to life after the sun sets.  For instance, the screech of a Northern Hawk Owl, the high intensity alarm of a Long-Eared Owl, the screech and chuckle of an Eastern Screech Owl, the bark of a Great Horned Owl, the female rasps of the Nighthawk or the fledgling call of the Barred Owl. has a really good catalogue of bird sounds.  If you’re into that sort of thing.

It was almost comforting when the coyotes began to howl.  A band of them giving voice to the despoiled monkey’s physical and emotional sorrows.  It was 3 AM at this point.  You know what they say about three in the morning.  A bunch of nonsense, that’s what.  Don’t listen to them.

Four in the morning is so much worse.  Four is too close to sunrise.  When you are disturbed at 4 AM, you can never recover.  The accusatory hooting of a Barred Owl made sure of that. I did try to regain oblivion, but I finally gave up at 4:30 AM, packed up the tent in the dark and headed out.

Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle” was on the radio when I fired up the car.  The Hocking Hills were shrouded in soup thick fog and I drove on edge until the sun burned it off.

It would have made the worst episode of Supernatural ever written. Season 13, episode 6 “The Hills Have Ears…Because Nobody Can See A Damn Thing in this Freakin’ Fog”

I hope that’s not Sheriff Bullard.

Not suspicious at all.

Looks kinda dark…

You think it’ll be fine?

Is this on the map?

The light is fading fast!

This might have been a mistake.

I really hope this is the right way.

Are there pirates in that fog?


Posted in Personal Commentary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Amityville: The Awakening? I might just hit snooze

Who am I kidding, I’ll watch this new pile of Amityville crap called Amityville: The Awakening.  It is scheduled for January 2015.  No reason to rush this work of art for an October release.

English: The house from the film The Amityvill...

English: The house from the film The Amityville Horror, built circa 1924, at 112 Ocean Avenue, Amityville, New York, United States. By the time this photo was taken, the address had been changed to discourage curiousity-seekers. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I watched The Amityville Haunting after all.  That was a real piece of work.  By piece of work, I mean the worst of the Amityville and related films.  That is worthy of some kind of prize.  Like a boot to the head.

This new one is based on a real story, of course.  Like Cars is based on a true story about a red car.  I can assure you that a red car was in a race once.  However, this movie is based on the true story of how the owner of the famed house killed his entire family in 1974.  As opposed to what actually happened.  Details.

You have a guy stuck in his bed with a computer communication device, a teenager who didn’t want to move to a new place and a little blond girl with dollies.  Revolutionary stuff.

Paranormal Activity was apparently bludgeoned to death enough, so the producers of that franchise have moved into Amityville!  I’m sure someone out there thinks that’s awesome.  That someone isn’t me.

Red Forman is in it, so that’s a positive.  He’ll give those flies what for, mark my words!

Without further delay, here’s a look at the trailer that came out a few days ago.  It has Spanish language closed captioning for those that are into that sort of stuff.

Posted in Film, Literature and Entertainment | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Some Assembly Required

A story out of Southern Sweden has a woman finding the bones of 80 skeletons stored in Ikea bags in a church.

The guy that dug up the bones (but who denies putting them in the bags) notes that it’s not as bad as it looks.

This sounds like a mildly morbid sitcom.  I can imagine Swedish metal band Grave doing a jaunty little intro tune featuring the sitcom cast tooling around in Ikea shopping carts laughing and waving their arms about.  Reminiscent of The Monkees show intro.

Turns out archaeologist Ludvig Papmehl-Dufay was right.  It isn’t as bad as it looks.  At least, nothing truly nefarious went down.  Just your garden variety red tape snags coupled with some as-yet-undefined amounts of laziness and incompetence.

As part of some renovation, as many as 80 skeletons that had been buried under the church (some very old) were disinterred.  The resulting hassles of documentation and reburial were ditched in favor of the blue Ikea bag methodology, which turns out to not be an accepted reburial technique.

To really nail the absurdity of this story, my browser chose this story as an optimal time to sell me a happy meal.

I’m lovin’ it!


I took a crack at the sitcom theme song for Ola Lindgren.  (Any resemblance to The Monkees tv show theme song is whatever whatever)

Here we come, walkin’
Down the street.
We get the funniest looks
from all the other Swedes.
Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
And people pray we bury in-ground.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.

Laid low wherever we want to,
blue bags or under the pew
We don’t have time to get restless,
There’s always something askew.
Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
And people pray we bury in-ground.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.

We’re just tryin’ to be friendly,
Come and watch us sling decay,
We’re unsung desecration,
And we’ve got nowhere to lay.

Any time, Or anywhere,
Just look over your shoulder
Guess who’ll be standing there

Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
And people pray we bury in-ground.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.

Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
And people pray we bury in-ground.
But we’re too busy singing
To put anybody down.

We’re just tryin’ to be friendly,
Come and watch us sling decay,
We’re unsung desecration,
And we’ve got nowhere to lay.

Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies
Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies

Hey, hey, we’re the flunkies,
You never know where we’ll be found.
Best make peace with your dead, see
We never really keep them down.



Posted in Universal Absurdity | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ruble Maps?

I have a real knack for bad titles, but it kinda sorta has a ring to it.

OK, maybe not.

Let’s move on, shall we?

For those of you that feel like taking a walk through Pripyat, you can check out this Russian map version of a Pripyat “Google” street view map.

Take a stroll.  The snow gives it a placid feel.  Look for the famous amusement park that never had a chance to amuse (slated to open May 1, just days before the April 26, 1986 disaster and having opened for a few hours on the 27th before everyone was evacuated).  Blunt Force Clue – it’s right here.  The power plant is over here.

The Polesie State Radiation and Ecological Reserve is to the north of town.  It’s a closed nature reserve covering roughly 507 square miles.

I have a fascination with abandoned buildings and locations.  Pripyat definitely fits that bill.


Posted in Science, Universal Absurdity | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Zombie, Rick and Balls

OK, that title was bad.  I stand by it nonetheless!

Zen Studios and The Walking Dead are combining forces to create a pinball game.

We at Zen Studios are so excited to announce our latest pinball collaboration! We have partnered with Telltale Games and Robert Kirkman to create a digital pinball table based on the award-winning The Walking Dead game series! This new table will bring the story and choice-driven gameplay of The Walking Dead: Season One journey to the playfield.

I love me some pinball.  The sound of 70s porn ‘stache bigfoot hollering in Williams’ White Water pinball game is no less awesome when I play on the tablet.

The table will be playable at this year’s E3 Expo and those in attendance can get a sneak peek at Telltale’s booth in the Concourse Hall.

The Walking Dead Pinball table will be available for download later this summer on Zen Studios pinball platforms across console, PC, and mobile stores.

I will definitely give this a shot when it comes out later this summer.  I’m currently giving The Forest a go.  So far, so good.

The preview for The Walking Dead Pinball doesn’t show much, but it exists.  Enjoy!


Posted in Film, Literature and Entertainment | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Run, run, run and don’t look back


They never seem to go away.

There’s a new iPhone app that combines running and zombies.  Two things I tolerate.

I don’t actually bring a device with me when I run, but I know tons of folks do.  I do have a little arm holder doohickey I don’t use.  You know, just in case.

I could see this being interesting enough to try once or twice.  I would probably be virtually caught by zombies because the dog follows her own plan.  Our running style is certainly interval training.  We are training for the paleopocalypse.  This involves sprinting after squirrels at top  speed with very brief targeting periods in between.

I’m waiting for the next-gen version.  The one that comes on the Google Glass Sunglasses I don’t have.  It will have zombie visuals out front that I must dodge and the sound of footsteps increasing behind me when my pace slows.

I won’t turn and look.  That’s how you trip.  Ask any horror movie scream queen.  They would tell you if they hadn’t tripped and drown in their own tears waiting for some lumbering oaf to catch up and axe them for their autograph.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Posted in Film, Literature and Entertainment | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Lend me your ear

A German museum, The Centre for Art and Media in Karlsruhe, is displaying an ear grown from one of Vincent van Gogh’s ancestors.

Self-Portrait, Spring 1887, Oil on pasteboard,...

Self-Portrait, Spring 1887, Oil on pasteboard, 42 × 33.7 cm., Art Institute of Chicago (F 345). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

From an article in The Guardian:

The Centre for Art and Media in Karlsruhe says the replica ear consists of living cells grown from samples provided by Lieuwe van Gogh, the great-great-grandson of Vincent’s brother Theo.

The museum says Lieuwe and Vincent van Gogh share about one sixteenth of the same genes, including the Y-chromosome that is passed down the male lineage.

Artist Diemut Strebe told the Associated Press on Tuesday that she wanted to combine art and science.

I suppose the goal of combining art and science was achieved.  There was definitely science involved.

Should we expect this trend to continue?  Will museums be cloning famous people parts for display?  Would the regrown version of the various parts already on display around the world be better than a wrinkled mass preserved in a jar?

Galileo’s regrown middle finger would certainly more forcefully carry the message to the house of those great men that sought to keep his science hidden.

Perhaps there is some combination of art and science that will result in regrown versions of famous penises.  Rasputin could continue to spread his own message through the miracle of science.  In a very artistic manner, of course.

Who doesn’t want to see a bunch of regrown parts.  How about an interactive museum feature where children can mix and match to create their own patchwork historical figure.

Sounds great doesn’t it?  DOESN’T IT?  Can you hear me now?

Enhanced by Zemanta
Posted in Universal Absurdity | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments